In early December 2018, I started this site. As a way to both heal and grow. To re-capture a fire that's been missing in my life and thoughts — for a long time.
I thought maybe tracking my life, schedule, and goals will help me see my life objectively as I could read and write about it as a 3rd person. And if it helps others, that would be great too, as maybe there are things to learn from my failures and successes, and process and progress.
So I thought I had this new idea that could be therapeutic and transformative for me. The twist is, I actually had a blog in the past (different domain name), which I started in 2006 and wrote almost everyday until 2008 — HUNDREDS of entries. Tracking all sorts of things — goals, academics, detailed hour by hour schedule, everything I read (books, articles, magazines, blogs, etc), places visited, fitness, workouts, weight) — and shared openly my thoughts, worries, and vulnerabilities. The blog back then was an outlet for me, and had given me some purpose. .
These past few days, I spent time reading through all my old entries. And, wow. It was like re-discovering an old friend that I kind of forgot about. When I read him, er.. me.. from 10 years ago... I can obviously recognize that was me... but man, he was ambitious, driven, focused, disciplined, and worked tireless. And was very, very optimistic and energetic. It was inspiring.
And that’s when I realized, whether I consciously recognized it or not, that my recent decision to write again on a blog was not a ‘new’ idea at all, as I had thought — it was just... a continuation of where I left off in 2008. Between 2008 and now, for 10 years, I couldn't freely write or blog as I worked on Wall Street, so I pretty much just stopped. If I couldn’t write freely and candidly, I wasn't interested. And then, I forgot about that chapter in my life. Until I re-opened the 'old pages' on Squarespace — I’m glad that I never unsubscribed, LOL.
I'm very grateful and happy that I can still see / read this guy, this me from 10 years ago. He reminds me of the life outlook and attitude that I once had -- the curiosity, the driven energy, the focus, the fearlessness, the ambition. I was obsessed with productivity. Yet, I can also recognize my 2006-2008 issues -- that same insecurity, confusion, fear of insignificance, fear of being forgotten — that I keep with myself today. I had never resolved them. Yet, the me of 10 years ago, lived without the emotional and mental constraints that stall and trap me today. He still had his questions, had his doubts, had his dark moments, but he acted, acted, tried, tried, read, read, and did, did.
Oprah Winfrey was right, for she said: "Keeping a journal will absolutely change your life in ways you've never imagined."
Never would I have imagined when writing in 2006-2008 — which in itself was a cure / outlet for what I was going through at the time — could possibly help me in 2018. To my 2006 self -- thank you for inspiring me. Thank you for teaching me today, in 2018.
I'm going to let those old entries stay archived in their original forms, but write a few of the “2006 me” thoughts and quotes here, and reflect on them with my 2018 mind. And I will read them again and again here whenever I need or want to.
“Am I becoming a better person? A stronger person? A more giving person?”
— (2018 comment: “Improving, non-stop. That’s what I always wanted to be.”)
“Can I make my life interesting enough for people to want to read about it? If I die tomorrow, I want people to read my blog and think "This guy lived hard. This guy lived with passion. Everyday of his life."
— (2018 comment: “Yup, that’s me. Still true.”)
“I never do anything in moderation. I'm not all or nothing. But I'm extreme or nothing. Excellence or nothing. And will is everything.”
— (2018 comment: “LOL, a bit cheesy. But I remember this unbalanced, extreme kid.”)
“Laser focused on my goals.”
— (2018 comment: “Nothing funny about this one. I was damn focused.”
Meanwhile... I'm going to go back to being productive, setting up goals, monitoring my progress, and planning my day, my week, my month, and the next few months of my life. =)
— (2018 comment: See? This blog idea of 2018 was not new... just a continuation.)
"Time is the most important investment of your life. What am I spending time doing? Who am I spending time with? What else... matters?”
— (2018 comment: “I have always been obsessed with time management but also the passage of time in life.”)
I'll be the first to admit. I'm not as smart as the best. I'm not as gifted as the best. In any shape, aspect, or form. In all honesty, my natural skills & abilities are average.
But I figured out why I can become the best.
All throughout my 23 years, I've experienced failures. I've been humiliated. I've been humbled. Life has beat me to my knees and sometimes flat on my back. But I'm the most resilient person I know. I dusted myself off and kept on moving forward. I never blamed anybody. I was too busy figuring out how to solve the problem and most importantly, move forward. And every time I failed, I got better. Sometimes, immensely better.
For me, obstacles and adversities don't faze me much anymore. I've been through plenty of failures. When I experience another challenge, it only sets me back momentarily, but I bounce back harder, and I accelerate forward. I've developed a "spring" to adversities, compact and tight, that when an adversity hits, I automatically spring forward at high velocity.
— (2018 comment: “Wow. This one gives me the chills. I can learn from this kid. Thanks, 2006 me.”)
Quotes I live by:
- The best way to predict the future is to create it.
- Live as if the whole world is watching.
- Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today.
I want to maximize my life. I want to satisfy my hunger for knowledge and growth.
I want to live a worthy life. a balanced yet unbalanced passionate life. a giving life. a fulfilling life. a joyful life.
I want to live a life that outlasts my time, one that'll serve as a model, as a beacon of excellence, achievement and inspiration, one that anyone can relate to and learn from.
I am on a never-ending quest for perfection.
My Life is My Sculpture.
My Life is My Painting.
I am the Sculptor.
I am the Painter.
Everyday, I think about it, reflect on it, work on it, improve it, and perfect it.
If I die today, I want people to say, "This guy lived hard, till the very last day."
This is what I do. This is what I feel. This is what I think. This is how I think. This is how I give. This is how I live.
This is my life. This is me.
— (2018 comment: This is still my life. This is still me.)